Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
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The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
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when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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