im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Never let your siblings swipe right.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
