So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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