Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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