you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
