Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
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Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
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It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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