You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
