The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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