nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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