It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
