I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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