I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The uberlube is also flammable
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
