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if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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