Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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