i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
