Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
