she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
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By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
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In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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