He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
