if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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