I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
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Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
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I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize