I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
