I heard we made out
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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