guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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