just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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