There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
