Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
