The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
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