so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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