Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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