i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
