Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
