I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
