I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
time to smoke my breakfast
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
