I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
