I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
