I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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