Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
