What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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