My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
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i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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