Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
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Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
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You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize