He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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