She is in my trunk
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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