I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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