opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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