Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
40s are totally the cure
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
