every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
