I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
