Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
