Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
sex in a hospital.. check
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
