i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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