Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
