We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
