you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
