This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's rum buckets o'clock
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
