she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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