I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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