I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
