are you still at the devil's house?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
