I can't watch pbs sober anymore
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
