you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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