After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
