i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
