end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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