lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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