She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
