don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
sarcasm needs its own font
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
