i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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