good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
